Consistency in Chaos

Something I grapple with frequently is the fight to create consistency in my life. Even my therapist is like, “ You gotta find some, somewhere!”.

But the things is, my life just doesn’t work like that. I try to see it as a broader pattern. Like, hey, I am working on the overall picture here okay! That’s what they taught me in art school!

I really can’t set a time to go the the gym, or write in my journal, or work on my website… because for me, if a big job comes in… it’s all consuming. And that doesn’t mean that’s right. And it doesn’t mean that’s how other artists do it. But it’s definitely what happens to me ALL the time. And truthfully, I don’t mind it.

So, when I get to the gym… I just appreciative I’m there. The skill I’ve learned, is looking at the bigger picture when trying to fit these things in my life.

I know I want to be healthy, I know I want to spend time with my family, I know I have admin. So when I plan my schedule I don’t put times in my diary like, every day 8:00 am GYM! It’s more like, Hey I want to go to the gym 20 times over the next three months. Luckily for me, my health insurance boots me out of my gym benefit if I don’t attend enough and I have a gym tracking app on my phone. It rolls over every month but I can keep track of how often I need to go to maintain that benefit. But with all these thing I find it much easier to just dutifully write out each time, “ Hey Girl, I know you have X,Y,Z to do today but I’m a gonna just write here at the top of your schedule that you need to go to gym sometime soon, you need to keep your website in mind, and you need to journal… and I’m happy for you to do it when you want as long as you do it every now and then :) “

Case in point, I’m busy working through “ The Artist’s Way” - an incredible work book for pushing through creativity blocks. I won’t write my rave review just yet because I’m in the middle of it but I will say that I can see it’s purpose. Cryptic… but yes… I see purpose in this methodology. So back to the point I want to make… You are supposed to write 3 pages every day for the program. First thing in the morning. When I started the program I was very dutiful. As the weeks went on I skipped a weekend here or there. Then a week… then like 2 weeks. But then I picked it up again. And I pushed through. And I’m still doing it! Yes it’s not always every day. Yes sometimes I only write 2 pages. And yes, I have a very teeny tiny book that has very small pages that I write in very BEEG handwriting for the days I just CAN”T. I’m sneaky like that.

The thing is, I haven’t stopped. This is how I do consistency. By doggedly doing the days but stretched over a life that is real and complicated and that I have to live. Stretched over a life of squeezing laughter in between, the odd hangover, the days I feel too fat for gym pants. But I get my days in. I don’t lose my gym benefit and that book I write in? It’s CHOC full of my thoughts… pages and pages. And those are results. And as my husband would say “ I’m running circles around the guy on the couch”. As long as I can get back up and continue then I’m happy. That is consistent enough for me. After all… my brain is not a regimental creature. It’s trained to be a little wild :P